Compromise, Openness, Unselfishness. These ingredients are subjects Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., Sexologist & Relationship Expert, takes on for couples to enjoy a better, healthier more enjoyable sex life together.
Q: Why do couples generally have lower libidos after they’ve been together for a while? What can men and women do to fix this problem?
A: Couples assume that sex is going to be dull if they have been together for a long time. But instead of being a pessimist, consider yourself an explorer. You are about to embark on a new adventure. Find new ways to turn your partner on, explore fantasies, be spontaneous, and remember that sex isn’t just about intercourse. There are plenty of other behaviors that spice up a lacking sex life. Remember, sex isn’t simply about quantity.
Q: Why do long-term couples stop experimenting as much in bed? How can men persuade women to spice it up more? What are some signs that the relationship might be over?
A: The key to any healthy relationship is sexual communication. Sometimes couples stop experimenting because they assume that their partner knows everything about them. If we constantly share our desires and fantasies, then there is no limit to what we can try in bed. If communication has ended and after all of your attempts you still cannot resuscitate it, this may be a sign. Relationships are not one-sided; both of you have to make an effort. If you find that your efforts are not working (and she is not interested), the relationship may be coming to an end.
Q: Why should couples consider incorporating a vibrator in bed? How should they handle the possibility that the vibrator’s "bigger" than him? Can women get "addicted" to vibrators? How should guys handle this if it happens?
A: The vibrator is one of the greatest inventions in history. And you shouldn’t be afraid of them. Using them in your own sex play will a) spice up traditional sexual intercourse, b) encourage women to masturbate (and get in touch with their bodies) and c) will help a woman to have an orgasm during intercourse (this will make you a complete hero). Now, vibrators come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. If you feel threatened by a big one, don’t buy it. Go with your girlfriend and choose one... together. Make the vibrator a "couple’s toy" as opposed to "her toy." Besides, you are not going to be replaced by it. While women don’t necessarily become "addicted" to vibrators, they can become attached to the pleasure they get from one. But think about it this way, are you addicted to your hands?
Q: Is there a right and a wrong way to masturbate? I heard masturbating too much can cause premature ejaculation, and that the hand isn’t similar enough to the vagina. Should I try a different technique?
A: It depresses me that people still feel guilty or insecure about masturbating. It is certainly the safest sexual activity with the greatest benefits. We learn what turns us on and how to achieve that sensation on demand. How bad can that be? There are no right or wrong ways to masturbate, unless you do something that is dangerous to your health or body. In terms of future satisfaction, masturbation isn’t going to cause sexual dysfunction. Premature ejaculation is an extremely common "problem." But it has more to do with a person’s anxiety level than their biology. There are some men who are comfortable with their length of sexual intercourse, and others who wish they could last longer. In some ways, every man defines premature ejaculation differently. If you are concerned about premature ejaculation, don’t forget that every man experiences this at some point in his life and it has nothing to do with how often your palm gets some exercise. In fact, masturbation is actually one of the treatments for premature ejaculation. It’s very possible that you may become bored with your daily masturbatory techniques, but using your hand won’t make sex a problem in the future.