SEX TIPS

Tips for Maximizing Pleasure During Mutual Masturbation

Masturbating is a steamy way to indulge in fantasy or take some edge off when building up to an explosive climax. But have you and your partner ever turned up the heat with mutual masturbation?

We’re going to discuss the dynamics behind mutual masturbation: what it entails, the different forms of mutual masturbation, and some tips for mutual touch and hands-free masturbating when you’re with your partner. Plus, we’ll discuss techniques for mutual masturbation when you and your partner are not physically together. Ready to make your solo sesh a shared experience? Let’s get into it.

What is Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation usually refers to touching yourself while your partner watches and maybe touches themselves (hence the word mutual). But people also use the phrase to mean any kind of hand action between partners, or mutual touch.

Mutual masturbation can take multiple forms. It can also involve hands-free masturbation and attempting mindgasm - an orgasm achieved without touching, only watching. Mutual masturbation might also be associated with sexting or long-distance play, whereby sexual partners are not together physically but can still use imagery to get off. Either way, this can be a part of foreplay or a fun stand-alone way to get off.

The Idea Behind Masturbating Together

Masturbation is always about touching yourself. It becomes mutual masturbation when a partner is watching either in person or on video. The two of you can either touch yourselves at the same time or take turns. Though it sounds like an oxymoron, if you're in the same place, you can also masturbate each other regardless of what body parts you two have-think mutual hand jobs, rubbing each other's vulva, or some of each.

There are no rules when it comes to mutual masturbation, but you should talk about what you plan to do in advance, so you know you have your partner's consent before you touch them.

Do Couples Masturbate Together?

Some couples engage in mutual masturbation because they are not in the same room or even the same state, but others just do it for fun. Watching your partner masturbate might help you learn the places they like to be touched or the technique that always puts them over the edge.

For example, some people with vulvas may like to use their fingers when masturbating. Others might use a sex toy. They may choose to focus on clitoral stimulation when masturbating or insert their fingers or a sex toy to feel certain sensations. Others still might choose to grind on an object like a pillow as their preferred masturbation technique.

Similarly, people with penises may like to masturbate with lotion. Others may prefer lube, while more still may spit on their hands or go dry. People with penises may like the feeling of a vibrator on their genitals. For people with vulvas and penises, there may be added touching of the erogenous zones – like the nipples – that can signal sexual “hot spots” that help turn you or your partner on.

Regardless, masturbating is always personal – that’s why mutual masturbation can help provide a window into what your partner likes best, and how you can help them get off either through mutual touch or the next time you have penetrative sex.

Can You Get an STD from Masturbating?

You cannot get an STD when you masturbate by yourself, but your risk may increase if you do something like use a friend’s sex toy without washing it beforehand. Additionally, know that you might contract an STD if you engage in mutual touching during mutual masturbation.

Mutual touch may result in passing bodily fluids like semen, vaginal fluids, or anal fluids. That, in turn, can increase the risk of STD transmission. We cannot stress it enough: make sure you are regularly tested for STDs. Aside from being a standard health practice, it’s also imperative to get tested since many STDs do not have any initial symptoms – so you may be a carrier without even knowing it.

What Does “Fapping” Mean?

“Fapping” is simply a slang term for masturbating. It’s something of an onomatopoeic term alluding to the sounds one might make when masturbating, often referring to people with penises and the noises made from stroking the penis to jerk off.

But “fapping” doesn’t just have to mean solo masturbation. It can also refer to mutual masturbation and watching (or helping) your partner “fap.”

Tips for Mutual Masturbation in Person

Mutual masturbation is simple. If you do it when you're by yourself, you can do it when a partner is watching or invite them to join in. Here are some tips for simultaneous self-pleasure.

Talk it over: Most people masturbate but there are still some taboos around it so having an audience might make you or your partner feel a little embarrassed. Talking about it first before the clothes come off can help ensure everyone is comfortable. Use this time to decide if you're just touching yourselves or if you want to engage in mutual touching.

Make it sexy: Just because you're primarily touching yourself, doesn't mean it can't be a romantic moment. Set a sexy scene with candles, music, and lingerie. Turn each other on by watching some porn or reading an erotic story before you start. Or run a bubble bath for two. Thinking of ways to enhance the mood might make mutual masturbation feel kinkier and less like a standard session of jerking off.

Pick a position: Mutual masturbation can look differently whether it’s hands-off watching or involves mutual touch. If you're touching yourselves, you can be side-by-side on the bed, sitting across from each other for the best view, or on opposite ends of the room to make sure your partner looks but doesn't touch. Side-by-side may be ideal if you want to engage in mutual touch, especially if you’re also watching a porno or some other erotic content together.

Pleasure yourself: You can do whatever you do when you're alone whether it's rubbing your penis up and down or drawing circles around your clit. It’s important to be vocal during mutual masturbation: tell your partner how you can’t wait to be inside them (or have them inside you) and engage in dirty talk to make things steamier. You might also stop and ask for instructions, "where would you like me to touch now?" And, if you've agreed to touch each other, you can always ask for a little help from a friend.

Show and tell (and practice): You can really get your partner involved by making it a practice session. Touch yourself in your favorite way first, give your partner a good view, tell them what you're doing, and then lift your hands and give them a turn. Let them mimic everything you did and see how different it feels when it's someone else's hand.

Tips for How to Participate when Your Partner is Masturbating

As discussed, mutual masturbation may involve one partner watching exclusively… at least to start. If you're the one watching your partner masturbate, there's still a lot to do:

Pay attention: There's so much to learn while watching a partner masturbate, from where they put their fingers, to the movements they make, to how fast they go. Gather all this information so that when it's your turn to do the touching, you know exactly what to do. Even if there is no mutual touch, focusing on your partner’s movements and sexiness may provoke a pleasurable mindgasm.

Stay involved: This is MUTUAL masturbation, so make sure your partner knows you're a part of it. We talked about the importance of being vocal when you’re touching yourself. The same applies if you’re watching your partner. Tell them how sexy they are, how much you like watching them touch themselves, and how you can't wait to touch them too.

Lend a hand: If you've agreed to touch each other, you can help your partner out. Start playing with other erogenous zones-like nipples, ears, or inner thighs-while your partner is touching themselves. Or ask if you can join the main event. If they're playing with their penis maybe you can cup their testicles with your hand, put pressure on their perineum, or slip a finger into their anus (all with permission, of course). It’s not a bad idea to work in a lube, either. Try the silky-smooth feel of Trojan™ Infinite Glide™.

Touch yourself: If you get turned on by watching your partner masturbate, go ahead and stick your hands down your pants as well. This is mutual after all. You can take turns or go for it at the same time.

Toy time: Some sex toys can be used as de facto hands-free vibrators that may make mutual masturbation that much hotter and more participatory. For example, you might use the Trojan™ Bullet Remote Control Vibrator with multi-speed capabilities to amp things up before ramping them down. Or, put the Trojan™ Ultra Touch™ Fingertip Vibrator on your hand before touching your partner. Find the right vibrator for you and your partner that can help take mutual masturbation to new heights.

Tips for Masturbating Together on a Video Call

One of the best things about mutual masturbation is that you don't have to be in the same place to do it. We learned a lot about long distance relationships during lockdown that we can use when we're away from our partner for a few days or months. Here are some tips for some good masturbation that is both mutual and virtual.

Privacy is key: Set up a dedicated, anonymous, or encrypted account to use for video sex on a platform that you don't use for anything else (to cut down on mix-ups). Make sure your privacy settings are at the most restrictive, ask your partner about theirs, and set some boundaries on screenshots and recordings.

Show a little (or a lot): Decide whether you will show your face and/or your genitals on camera. Only showing one or the other is safer if pics or videos get compromised or deliberately shared against your wishes. For the same reason, think about what's in the background of the shot and make sure there's nothing that identifies you or your location. It’s also important to consider lighting and possible clutter in your chosen environment – poor visibility and random messes might dampen the mood!

Set the scene with your partner: Get consent ahead of time, talk about what you're going to do and what your boundaries are. Pick a time. Send some flirty texts. Surprise them by having flowers or dinner delivered. Or send a sexy present like lube and a sex toy.

Touch yourself: Since long distance video sex with your partner is a separate but together activity, it's all about touching yourself. Use your favorite masturbation technique or try touching yourself the way your partner does when you're together.

Talk it up: When you're not in the same room, talking becomes even more important. Narrate what you're doing for your partner, tell them what you wish they were doing to you, or give each other orders about what to do next. Spin an elaborate fantasy about what you'll do to each other the next time you're together. And don't forget to tell them how good it feels and how sexy they are.

Reciprocation: Since mutual masturbation should serve to pleasure both partners, make sure you reciprocate. When touching yourself, show angles that your partner will enjoy. Maybe your partner wants to see the finish up close, or how your eyes roll back with pleasure when you’re masturbating. If instruction is involved, heed your partner’s words (and provide some of your own) so you can give them the best experience and views while helping to ensure you both get off.

Add Some Variety to Mutual Masturbation with Toys & Lube

Whether you have a penis or a vulva, adding lube before you touch yourself can help cut down on friction and increase the pleasurable sensations. Consider adding toys as well. Your partner can watch as you use a wand vibrator on your vulva or use a vibrating ring on your penis. Or, if you’ve agreed to play together, you can pick a toy that offers both options! Trojan™ Dual Pleasure Wand Vibrator features a 2-in-1 wand vibrator for the vulva and a vibrating cock ring for the penis, so you can take your mutual masturbation game to even spicier levels.

If you're going to be apart for a long time, consider investing in an app-controlled sex toy-one partner uses it on, or in, their body but the other has control of whether it's on and how fast it goes. Use it while you're on video together so no one misses the fun.

Whether it’s through mutual touch or a more voyeuristic experience, mutual masturbation can be loads of fun and provide a breath of fresh air from your typical masturbation sessions.