SEX TIPS

What is Mutual Masturbation?

People cuddling in bed with legs intertwined.
Mutual masturbation usually refers to touching yourself while your partner watches and maybe touches themselves (hence the word mutual), but people also use the phrase to mean any kind of hand action between partners. Either way this can be a part of foreplay or a fun stand-alone way to get off.

Masturbating Yourself and Masturbating Each Other

Masturbation is always about touching yourself. It becomes mutual masturbation when a partner is watching either in person or on video. The two of you can touch yourselves at the same time or take turns. Though it sounds like an oxymoron, if you're in the same place, you can also masturbate each other regardless of what body parts you two have-think mutual hand jobs, rubbing each other's vulva, or some of each.

There are no rules when it comes to mutual masturbation, but you should talk about what you plan to do in advance, so you know you have your partner's consent before you touch them. And, if you do go from touching yourselves to touching each other remember that you're now sharing bodily fluids which could have some risk of STIs. Hand washing is important.

Why Try Masturbating Together?

Masturbating together is a safe and educational activity (oh, and it's sexy as hell, too). Some couples do this because they are not in the same room or even the same state, but others just do it for fun.

Think about it, watching your partner masturbate is like watching a porn show put on just for you. If you pay attention, you might learn the places they like to be touched or the technique that always puts them over the edge.

If couples masturbating in front of each other stick to touching themselves, there's no risk of STDs. And no one ever got pregnant from masturbation.

Tips for Mutual Masturbation in Person

Mutual masturbation is pretty simple. If you do it when you're by yourself, you can do it when a partner is watching or invite them to join in. Here are some tips for simultaneous self-pleasure.

Talk it over. Most people masturbate but there are still some taboos around it so having an audience might make you or your partner feel a little embarrassed. Talking about it first-before the clothes come off-can help ensure everyone is comfortable. Use this time to decide if you're just touching yourselves or if you can lend each other a hand (or a finger) where need be.

Make it sexy. Just because you're primarily touching yourself, doesn't mean that it can't be a romantic moment. Set a sexy scene with candles, music, and lingerie. Turn each other on by watching some porn or reading an erotic story before you start. Or run a bubble bath for two.

Pick a position. Anything goes when it comes to mutual masturbation. If you're touching yourselves, you can be side-by-side on the bed, sitting across from each other for the best view, or on opposite ends of the room to make sure your partner looks but doesn't touch. If you want to be close enough to touch each other, one partner can try lying on top of the other with hands wedged between them (you can get your hips into it in this position).

Pleasure yourself. You can do whatever you do when you're alone whether it's rubbing your penis up and down or drawing circles around your clit. Let your partner know how good it feels with gasps and moans. Narrating what you're doing and how it feels can help it feel more mutual. Or stop and ask for instructions, "where would you like me to touch now?" And, if you've agreed to touch each other, you can always ask for a little help from a friend.

Show and tell (and practice). You can really get your partner involved by making it a practice session. Touch yourself in your favorite way first, give your partner a good view, tell them what you're doing, and then lift your hands up and give them a turn. Let them mimic everything you just did and see how different it feels when it's someone else's hand.

Tips for How to Participate when Your Partner is Masturbating

If you're the one watching your partner masturbate, there's still a lot to do:

Pay attention. There's so much to learn while watching a partner masturbate, from where they put their fingers to the movements they make to how fast they go. Gather all of this information so that when it's your turn to do the touching, you know exactly what to do.

Stay involved. This is mutual masturbation so make sure your partner knows you're a part of it. Tell them how sexy they are, how much you like watching them touch themselves, and how you can't wait to touch them too. Or give instructions, tell them where they should put their hands or how they should move their hips or suggest a new position.

Lend a hand. If you've agreed to touch each other, you can help your partner out. Start playing with other erogenous zones-like nipples, ears, or inner thighs-while your partner is touching themselves. Or ask if you can join in on the main event. If they're playing with their penis maybe you can cup their testicles with your hand, put pressure on their perineum, or slip a finger into their anus (all with permission, of course). It can be a fine balance, though, between helping them go over the edge and distracting them from the orgasm they're building up to. Ask if what you're doing is good and don't be offended if they ask you to move your hand.

Touch yourself. If you get turned on by watching your partner masturbate, go ahead and stick your hands down your own pants as well. This is mutual after all. You can take turns or go for it at the same time.

Tips for Masturbating Together on a Video Call

One of the best things about mutual masturbation is that you don't have to be in the same place to do it. We learned a lot about long distance relationships during lockdown that we can use when we're away from our partner for a few days or a few months. Here are some tips for some good masturbation that is both mutual and virtual.

Privacy is key. Set up a dedicated, anonymous, or encrypted account to use for video sex on a platform that you don't use for anything else (to cut down on mix-ups). Make sure your privacy settings are at the most restrictive, ask your partner about theirs, and set some boundaries on screenshots and recordings.

Show a little (or a lot). Decide whether your will show your face and/or your genitals on camera. Only showing one or the other is safer in case pics or video get compromised or deliberately shared against your wishes. For the same reason, think about what's in the background of the shot and make sure there's nothing that identifies you or your location. Using a virtual background might be the easiest and safest option.

Set the scene with your partner. Get consent ahead of time, talk about what you're going to do and what your boundaries are. Pick a time. Send some flirty texts. Surprise them by having flowers or dinner delivered. Or send a sexy present like lube and a sex toy.

Touch yourself. Since long distance video sex with your partner is a separate but together activity, it's all about touching yourself. Use your favorite masturbation technique or try touching yourself the way your partner does when you're together.

Talk it up. When you're not in the same room, talking becomes even more important. Narrate what you're doing for your partner, tell them what you wish they were doing to you, or give each other orders about what to do next. Spin an elaborate fantasy about what you're going to do to each other the next time you're together. And don't forget to tell them how good it feels and how sexy they are.

Add Some Variety to Mutual Masturbation with Toys & Lube

Whether you have a penis or a vulva, adding lube before you touch yourself can help cut down on friction and increase the pleasurable sensations. Consider adding toys as well. Your partner can watch as you use a wand vibrator on your vulva, rub your penis with a Tantrix Pleasure Sleeve, or penetrate yourself with a vibrator or butt plug.

If you're going to be apart for a long time, consider investing in an app controlled sex toy-one partner uses it on, or in, their body but the other has control of whether it's on and how fast it goes. Use it while you're on video together so no one misses the fun.