SEX TIPS
Fantastic Fellatio: How to Give Head & Other Oral Sex Tips
At one point in our collective history, most couples had intercourse long before they had oral sex. In some ways it makes sense - putting your mouth on someone's genitals is a very intimate behavior and it can make both the giver and the receiver feel vulnerable.
Many of us worry that our genitals don't look right or smell bad or have too much hair. And, when we're the ones going down, it can feel like our talent and techniques are being scrutinized. It's time to relax about giving and receiving fellatio. Most blowjobs and cunnilingus feel good and, with a few tips, you can have your partner weak at the knees after you’ve dropped to yours.
Read on for some oral sex tips, including general tips for giving head and techniques for blow jobs or cunnilingus. Plus, get the facts when it comes to swallowing semen and being sexually active when you or a partner has an STI.
Oral Sex Basics & Definitions
Oral sex can be a fun part of foreplay or great all by itself. Before we get into techniques, let's go over some basic terms and definitions related to oral sex on various body parts:
What is Oral Sex?
Oral sex involves using your mouth, tongue, or lips to stimulate your partner's genitals (penis, vulva/vagina and clitoris) or anus. People of all genders and sexual orientations can give and receive oral sex.
What is Fellatio?
Fellatio is the technical term for oral sex on someone with a penis. But you probably know fellatio as a blow job or “BJ.” Whatever you call it, it involves licking and sucking the penis (as well as the balls) and sometimes taking the whole thing into your mouth.
What is Cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the technical term for oral sex on someone with a vulva and vagina. You probably know this as eating someone out, going down on someone, face-sitting, or “queening.” Whatever you call it, it involves licking the vulva and clitoris and possibly penetrating the vagina with your tongue.
Have you heard the term “eating the box” in a sexual context? That’s also a form of slang for cunnilingus – in this case, the “box” refers to the vulva and vagina.
What Does “Giving Head” Mean
“Giving head” is a form of slang for oral sex. It can refer to giving a blowjob to someone with a penis or giving cunnilingus to someone with a vulva and vagina. This is the more commonly known and casual terminology for oral sex.
What is Rimming?
Analingus or rimming is stimulating your partner's anus with your tongue. Sometimes, it's referred to as a rim job or “tossing salad.” Rimming can include licking the area around the anus and the anus itself or it can include penetrating the anus with your tongue.
Note that licking the anus may be uncomfortable for a lot of people. Oral contact with the anus can carry some risk of STI transmission and other infections. Not to mention, the anus and rectum contain naturally occurring bacteria.
If you get pleasure from having your anus licked, make sure to communicate with your partner beforehand to ensure they are OK performing that act. And it’s important to be hygienic before having your salad tossed – this may include grooming and shaving around your genitals and the anus.
Is Oral Sex Safe?
Some STIs (like herpes) can be spread from the mouth to the genitals and vice versa during oral sex. With others (like chlamydia and gonorrhea) the risk is that partners will give or get a throat infection. And we just spoke about the potential for contracting an STI from rimming.
The risk of getting an STI from a blowjob or other form of oral sex varies based on the specific infection and whether you are giving or receiving it. Using a condom or dental dam (a rectangular sheet of latex) can help reduce this risk. It is usually better to choose a non-lubricated condom if you are going to use it for oral sex.
Is it Safe to Swallow Semen?
Swallowing semen is generally considered safe if you are comfortable with that. It’s composed of sperm and fluid, both of which are acceptable to ingest. However, semen (as a bodily fluid) can also carry STIs – so you want to make sure your partner with a penis is clean before swallowing semen.
You may derive extra pleasure from finishing your partner off with a blow job. Maybe they prefer to cum when they are getting head – or you’ve done such a good job that they simply can’t hold back. Regardless, swallowing your partner’s load can make for a steamy finish to phenomenal fellatio.
How to Give Head
The most important thing when giving head is to know what your partner enjoys and being engaged. Giving head can feel like a test of our competence as a lover. Try to get past that and remember this is all for fun. Here are a few general tips for giving head:
Don't worry about the smell: Vulvas and penises do have a smell, but that musky scent screams sex and most partners will love breathing in your aroma. If you're worried about it or you've had a particularly sweaty day, hop in the shower quickly before you start.
Practice, practice, practice: Every partner is different – so learning what yours likes is something you couldn't have done in advance. All you can do is study your partner's responses in the moment and tuck away the knowledge for next time. You can also ask your partner if it feels good in the moment – be open to feedback and heed any suggestions they might make so long as you are comfortable with those suggestions.
Take your time: Oral sex may be foreplay, or it may be the main attraction. If you're paying it lip service and wondering how many licks to give before you can move on to something else, your partner is going to know you're not into it. It shouldn’t be a means to an end. Take your time and don't think two steps ahead.
Play with different speeds. Some people like slow head. Others might want you to ramp up the speed, particularly if they are close to the climax. Mixing up the tempo is a great way to provide your partner with different oral stimulations – and if they’re newer to receiving oral sex, it also gives them a chance to see which speeds they like best.
Don't be too goal oriented. We know you want to make your partner cum, but some people don't necessarily climax from oral sex and others may take a while. Don't put pressure on your partner to orgasm or on yourself to bring them there. The journey is way more important than the destination. Plus, you might find that you are getting more turned on when you’re giving head and seeing your partner swimming in sexual pleasure.
You can get in on the action too: Giving head doesn't have to be all one-way. While you have your head between your partner's legs, stick your hands or a sex toy between your own. Your excitement will feed off each other and everyone can have an even better time.
These tips apply to all genders and sexual orientations; heterosexual and homosexual couples alike. Fellatio can and should be an additive and pleasurable experience for any sexually active couple (or throuple or more). So be confident, ask for direction, and get into it!
Tips for Blow Jobs
Let's start by saying there are very few wrong ways to give a blow job. Giving a blow job to a man or penis-haver is more about figuring out what they like and how you like to do it.
Here are some tips and techniques for giving a great blow job:
Use your hands: We know it's not a hand job, but hey, names can be deceptive (you're not actually blowing on anything either). Wrapping your hand around the shaft of the penis and rubbing up and down while you lick or suck the top half can double the sensation. And if your jaw gets tired, you can keep the action going with your hand while your mouth takes a little break. Don’t forget to mix in the dirty talk while you’re stroking – little acts of foreplay are always welcome.
Take it all in: Licking up and down the shaft is a great way to start a blow job, but enveloping the whole penis in your mouth can up your partner's pleasure a few notches. This does not necessarily mean deep throating; most penises aren't that long. It simply means taking as much of the penis into your mouth as is comfortable, while holding the rest in your hand to add to the sensation. If you're worried about gagging, you can touch the back of your tongue to the roof of your mouth to make sure the penis doesn't go too far back.
Focus on the tip… The head of the penis, called the glans, has tons of nerve endings. Licking or sucking this part can feel great. If your partner is uncircumcised, gently pull the foreskin back with your hand before putting your mouth on the tip. On the underside of the penis toward the top, there's a little spot that looks like a V. It's called the frenulum and it's where the foreskin meets the head of the penis. (It will still be there even if a guy is circumcised.) Try licking this spot with the tip or flat part of your tongue and watch your partner's reaction. Swirling the tongue around the penis head can help unlock different sensations while also offering you a small break from sucking before you take it all in again.
… But don’t forget the balls! Licking the tip is good. For some, sucking the balls is even better. And if you are uncomfortable putting your partner’s balls in your mouth, try fondling or cupping the scrotum while you’re blowing them. Stimulating the testicles can provide heightened arousal and may even help promote the amount of ejaculate your partner produces (sperm is stored in the testicles, after all).
Add a toy: Sex toys can add extra sensation and maybe do some of the work for you. Slip a vibrating ring on your partner's penis to see if they like the buzz.
Try some lube, too: Getting the penis a little wet with some lube and stroking the shaft and genitals can get your partner nice and aroused before you give them head. Make sure you use a water-based lube and avoid ingesting the lube – but it’s safe to perform oral sex when some water-based lubricant remains on the genitals.
Branch out. The penis is the star of a blow job for sure but don't forget other erogenous spots on your partner's body. Reach up to rub or pinch their nipples, or search out the perineum (the spot between the testicles and the anus, sometimes called the taint). If you’re blowing them when you’re on your knees and they are standing, you might grab their ass cheeks. Make this a full-body experience.
Ask for directions. Everyone is unique and every partner is going to like their blow jobs a different way. Look and listen for signals as your tongue tries different techniques, and you will probably be able to tell what's bringing them to the brink. But the best way to distinguish "meh" from "oh my god, do that again" is to ask. This can also be an opportunity for you to explain what you are and are not comfortable with (like whether you plan to spit, swallow, or dash out of the way).
If you are the one getting the blow job, your job here is mostly just to lay back and enjoy. You can give your partner clues about what they're doing right in the form of hip movements or enthusiastic moans but if you want something different or even much more of the same, the best thing to do is to ask. Nicely, of course.
One thing you absolutely should NOT do as the receiver is the classic porn move of holding your partner's head tight to your body while you thrust in and out of their mouth, at least not without getting consent first. Some might enjoy this, but others may find it invasive.
How to Go Down on a Woman or Vulva-Haver
Every vulva is unique and every vulva-haver will like something a little different when it comes to oral sex. Some people might prefer a light touch and indirect contact with the clitoris while others may need something stronger. The only real way to know what your partner likes is to lick and learn.
Don't worry about getting it right the first time, figuring it out together is part of the fun. Here are some tips for eating the box:
Warm up: People with vulvas sometimes take a little longer to get turned on, and diving right in may be off-putting. Take some time to warm up your partner by running your fingers over the vulva or gently kissing between their legs. Try doing some of this over their underwear to tease what's coming.
Try different tongue-niques: There are a lot of ways to lick a vulva or clitoris. You can go up and down, side to side, or in little circles. You can use the tip of your tongue kind of like a finger to give strong, directed sensations or you can flatten it for more gentle strokes. Try using the whole tongue and go from the bottom to the top (like you're licking an ice cream cone), or get your lips involved and lightly suck on the labia and clitoral hood. Here’s another tip: try saying the alphabet with your tongue while you’re going down on them.
Focus on more than just the clit: The clitoris tends to be the star of the show when it comes to oral sex, but she can be a diva. There are thousands of nerve endings in that little nub and while some people love direct clitoral stimulation (they want it licked, flicked, and sucked), others may find that too intense. Some may enjoy a wider range of tongue movements around their whole vulva or want you to focus on the clitoral hood instead. You can also try sticking your tongue into the opening of the vagina. This area has fewer nerve endings but some people like the feeling of penetration.
Add fingers or a toy: Your tongue is great, but it does not have to work alone. You can try inserting your fingers while you lick the clitoris. Or, try a vibrator low down by the vagina while your mouth works its magic. By inserting fingers or an internal sex toy while you’re eating them out, you can try to go for the g-spot from the inside while making clitoral contact on the outside – which can help increase the chances of orgasm.
Extend your reach: We talked about this when giving blow job tips, but it applies to cunnilingus a well! You might suck on their nipples or boobs before you go down on them. You might continue to rub or pinch their nipples while you’re eating the box, or even take their whole breast in your hand, squeeze their ass cheeks.
Get guidance: Your partner's reactions will give you a lot of clues which, hopefully, come in the form of moans, gasps and hip movements (toward your tongue for more pressure, away for a little less). Still, the best way to know what sets their world on fire is to ask. And, while you're chatting, be sure to remind them how much fun you're having. You can set them at ease by saying they taste and smell great.
If you're the one being eaten out, you really don't have to do much other than bask in the pleasure of it all. It can feel vulnerable to have someone between your legs but try not to worry about your smell or taste or whether you're making crazy noises. Your partner wants to be there and wants you to have a good time.
Send them clues by squealing, squirming, or crying out their name, and feel free to add a few directions like: "Oh my god, that feels so good, please go up just a little bit," or "Yes! Right there, slow." And, if the tempo and stimulations are just right: “Don’t stop!” If your partner consents, you might also pull their head in while they eat you out.
Best Oral Sex Positions
If you can dream it and bend in that direction, pretty much any position that gives one partner access to another one's genitals will work for giving and receiving fellatio. Look for positions where you can have eye contact to make the experience more intense or find ones that allow the giver to have some extra fun (either by touching themselves or being touched by their partner).
69
Sixty-nine is when couples give each other oral sex at that same time. The name comes from what the classic position is supposed to look like, with one partner on top of the other upside down and facedown which looks like the number 6 and 9. Couples of any gender and sexual orientation can try 69. It’s essentially face-sitting, but it’s reciprocal!
There are a lot of variations on this classic position that can work as well. Partners can lay head-to-toe facing each other on their sides, one partner can sit in a chair and the other one can climb on upside down, or for the strong and acrobatic-one partner can stand and hold the other partner upside down. It depends on your mood, the body parts you're working with (whether it's two penises, two vulvas, or one of each), and how bendy you are. Just find a position where you are both comfortable and able to move your mouths enough to please each other.
Face-Sitting
Although face-sitting is typically for the pleasure of someone with a vulva or vagina, it also allows the giving partner to pleasure themselves. As the name indicates, the receiving partner straddles the giving partner’s face in a manner that allows access to the genitals. The giving partner may choose to hold the receiving partner’s ass up while licking and/or sucking. Or, they have the option to rub their own penis or vulva while giving head.
Lie Back and Moan
In this most classic position, the receiver-whether they have a penis or a vulva-lies back on the bed and opens their legs a little or a lot to make room for their partner's face. It may be the oral sex equivalent of the missionary position, but that doesn't mean it's not fantastic. It puts the giver firmly in control and lets the receiver relax and enjoy. A pro-position tip for cunnilingus: consider adding a pillow under the receiver's butt to elevate the hips.
Pull Up a Chair
In this position, the receiving partner gets comfy in a chair or at the edge of the bed with their legs spread apart and planted on the floor (or slung over their partner’s shoulders). The giver gets down on the floor, likely on their knees, and goes to town. If you’re giving a blow job and consider yourself flexible enough, you might stand and bend at the waist before giving your partner head.
Other Oral Sex Positions to Try
Position possibilities are endless; other classics include the receiving partner standing while the giver goes down on their knees. Standing oral might look good in front of a mirror or work well in the heat of the moment. Think about having your partner up against the wall after a hot date or giving them head in the shower.
Doggy style (downward dog) is when the receiver gets on all fours and is pleasured from behind by the giver. This is usually for people with vulvas but can also be a precursor to rimming. It’s also a good opportunity for the giving partner to admire the receiver’s ass. They might (with permission) give the occasional spank while eating or licking, which may give receivers the chance to pull the giver’s head in more closely – again, make sure there is consent.
No matter what position you choose, It's all about enjoyment. Make sure to pick a position in which everyone is comfortable.
Make Fellatio Fabulous!
Although it may seem like it, there is no golden standard for giving head. That’s because we all have different sexual preferences! So, don’t be shy to ask your partner what they most enjoy when getting a blow job or getting eaten out. Most importantly, make a point of being intentional and enthusiastic – great oral sex can only lead to more fireworks!
